ABSOLUTE ASCENDANCY

Commencing operation . . .

Overview

Back in the day, before nightclubs became what they are now, people used to go to country clubs, which played good music, the dancing was great and the overall atmosphere pleasant. Unfortunately, as time has marched on, for some inexplicable reason, nightclubs have essentially replaced country clubs.

I have been extremely fortunate not to have been suckered into a nightclub for a very long time. I distinctly recall not enjoying them and wondering how it was humanly possible for other people to have fun in such a horrendous atmosphere. If you want to ruin your wellness, look no further than a nightclub! What kind of fool would deliberately subjugate themselves to the torture chamber known as a nightclub? They are riddled with problems, and I list thirteen of them below.

1. Expensive
2. Music
3. Lights
4. Stench
5. Cramped
6. Fights
7. Drugs
8. Bouncers
9. Dancing
10. Communication
11. Expectations
12. People
13. Pointlessness

1. Expensive

A nightclub is just an overpriced pub except that the lights are dimmed, the prices are through the roof, and the music is blaring loud. I would head down to the pub over a nightclub any day of the week. I would stay at home rather than go out most of the time, but that’s beside the point. You can’t even get food at a nightclub; you’re supposed to sustain yourself with expensive alcohol, which is such a horrid suggestion in its own right. 

2. Music

The music itself sucks and is outrageously loud. Nightclubs play a bunch of the latest idiotic theme tunes that, for whatever reason, most cretins actually enjoy listening to. The nightclub is not my jam, to say the least.

3. Lights

The flashing lights are all but blinding. They must have caused at least a few epileptic incidents over the years. If I wanted to blind myself, I would stab my eyes out.

4. Stench

What do you expect to happen when you are in a cramped atmosphere, surrounded by sweaty, drugged up alcoholics? The place is bound to stink worse than rotten eggs! The nightclub has destroyed your hearing, your sight, and your smell. What is next?

5. Cramped

I am certainly not a fan of being wedged among multiple other people, but that is what frequently occurs in a nightclub. If you have a drink to hand, chances are it will be on the floor before long! You will inevitably be knocked around like a pinball while trapped in the machine known as a nightclub. One knock too many and . . .

6. Fights

You could end up in one.

You are in a room full of intoxicated people. Have fun trying to reason with any of them, should something go awry. People start fights for the dumbest of reasons when sober, let alone when intoxicated. Judgement does not improve with toxicity! Hopefully, you know how to defend yourself should you be unfortunate enough to end up in such a situation.

7. Drugs

You know what?

I am sure that no one ACTUALLY enjoys nightclubs. It’s just that people want to fit in and be cool and assume everyone enjoys them. People are afraid of becoming an outcast, being abandoned, or left behind, even though the very solution to that fear is to embrace the sensation of solitude.

Not wanting to be left out, people force a smile and try to bear with the nightclub experience. Unfortunately, in many cases, they cannot do so. To cope with the atrocious atmosphere that is a nightclub, the masses turn to drugs. Get drugged up enough, and location becomes meaningless.

8. Bouncers

Don’t expect security to be of much use in preventing drug trafficking or stopping much in general. They might stop you from having a good time, however, even if you are not doing anything particularly wrong. Intimidating looking people in positions of power can create such results. Of course, bouncers need to have a certain aura about them, but there is no need for plain unfriendliness toward the innocents.

9. Dancing

Does not exist in nightclubs. You cannot look me in the eye and tell me that the grinding nonsense people do in this day and age is dancing. The music does not facilitate proper dance, just head-bobbing, fist-pumping, or grinding. The last time I went to a nightclub, in hindsight, I realised a lot of people were actually only on their smartphones snapping away at their nightclub’ experience.’

Wow.

10. Communication

Is also non-existent in nightclubs. Even when people were shouting at me, I had no idea what they were saying. You end up attempting to communicate via weird hand signals, but that doesn’t last long. You try to text, but because everyone else is wasted, you can’t make any sense of the messages you receive. Forget trying to make any decent conversation with anyone at the nightclub.

11. Expectations

Let’s be real. The main reason for anyone (especially guys) to go to a nightclub is to try and get laid. More often than not, I suspect people end up leaving the club with the same people they arrived with. More importantly, though, if the only way you can try and get a partner is by grinding your junk at every passing person in the club, please refrain from reproducing. The world has plenty of idiots in it already and does not need anymore.

12. People

Undoubtedly the nightclub is going to host a wide variety of people. Unfortunately, the type of crowd an environment such as a nightclub attracts is unlikely to be a cup of tea worth serving to any outstanding citizen. You cannot reasonably expect to find good, worthy people to connect within a nightclub. Not only due to the saturation of douche-bags and creepy people in the club, but due to the overwhelmingly loud music, which would make it near impossible to establish any form of meaningful communication with such a rare find in the first instance.

13. Pointlessness

In the end, nothing changes, except for the deterioration of your health. You might get the one night stand here and there, and if that is the sort of thing which sustains you, then you need help.

Serious help.

Frequenting a nightclub is a recipe for one wasted experience after another.

The Solution

Do not go.

Whatever reason you have for wanting to go to a nightclub, there is undoubtedly a better way of attaining the outcome you seek. Head to a pub if you’re going to hang out with your friends. If you want music, then hit up a concert or a music show of some nature. If you want to meet new people, then broaden your horizons, not with a nightclub but with something more productive. Take a class to pick up a new skill and meet people at the same time.

Conclusion

I sincerely hope I have convinced you never to set foot in a nightclub again. All manner of dodgy shenanigans can go down at night clubs. Drugs, fights, and all manner of weird people can be commonly found at nightclubs. The loud music will destroy your hearing, the flashing lights will blind you, and the stench will do a number on your sense of smell.

Do yourself a favour and steer clear.

Mission complete – Overlord Drakow signing out.